one lonely success

julia awoke early this morning. it was barely dawn when sleep betrayed her, leaving her alone in the early hours just before dawn. she had quickly learned to despise the sunrise and you would too if you were trapped in her mind and were sentenced to face the reality that had become her life.

she had been seeing him for a little over five years. he said that he’d never been so happy, but julia lived with the fear that one day he’d realize that he was in love with a girl who wanted to give him so much more than she was capable of giving.

she remembered the morning that he walked into her bedroom and kissed her forehead. “you said we had never seen a sunrise together. come with me, because the morning is waiting for us.”

julia shook off sleep–still drunk from a night of tears.

she followed him as he led her outside to the patio they once shared. the sun peaked above the sunrise as he asked, “isn’t it beautiful, baby?” she was too busy looking at him basking in the light of the new morning to see anything but his face.

“yes, sweetheart, it is. let’s stay here forever”, she replied.

he stood awkwardly for a moment before thanking her for the letter she had conspicuoulsy left on his doorstep the night before…the very letter that had led to the morning’s events.

with nothing more than a smile and a tear he was walking away.

julia pleaded, “please don’t go. the moment has passed us by too quickly.”

“we’ve had the sweetest of lives together, but you’ve chosen a life without me and i can’t go back” he replied.

his resolve was what had first attracted her to him and now it had quickly become the force that had driven them apart, the very knife lodged in her heart, the taunting period at the end of their life’s story.

and this is why julia had learned to hate the morning…

so i’m watching lewis black: black on broadway for about the 25th time and it’s an idle thursday night much like any other. in fact it may very well be like your’s or like somebody you know and if you’re lucky it maybe even be like someone you love. and if you love him or her, then stop reading this ordinary post on this pretentious little site and tell them. tell them right now, i’ll wait.

now dont you feel better?

so i have this good friend who i havent talked to for quite some time because of some fuck reason or another. now and then, when the mood strikes, we text message little childish jabs at each other, only to underscore how our friendship has turned to shit in the most passive aggressive of ways. in fact if this were a book, it would be called “letting your friendship go to hell: 10 easy steps to giving your friend the middle finger”.

who knows why we do what we do or why we act the way we act? in the end i sometimes just seem to be fumbling my way through life and anymore i’m happy just not pissing people off.

i am always amazed at how one’s perspective can completely alter one’s interpretation of reality and forever alter the way we judge each other. before you argue that you don’t judge people, stop—you most definitely do. in fact, it is your judgements that shape your perceptions and it those very same judgements that define the reality that you call home. the little place in your mind where you go to feel safe and comfortable is dictated by your feelings of self which is a mere reflection of the judgments you make of others.

take this little blog for example. its collective works represent nothing more than a fraction of myself. however to you, the reader, my words paint the picture i want you to see. in this forum, i dictate your perception and, in turn, lead you to judgment. this phenomenon is enhanced if you know me only through my web address. if for you, there is no difference between jeff carter and jeffcarter.net then you may find that your perceptions and the reality you’ve created for me are riddled with fallacies.

but isn’t that the point? whether the words i put up for public consumption and dissection reflect true-self or rather my intended perception-of-self, is irrelevant. the importance is that unlike any other forum, i, the biographer, get to tell you the story that i either want you to know or that you need to hear.

whether i speak of god and angels or saints and sinners, relaying one’s feelings, beliefs or emotions in a one-dimensional forum has its inherrent evils. i become relegated to 200 word blog entries and cleverly placed hyperlinks. in doing so, i allow you the reader to leap to assumptions and their respective conclusions. but the beauty of the medium is that i lead each of you to the assumption that i want you to make.

in the end, so much of what i do here is purely for self and i’m just using all of you as my sounding board and i’m glad you’re here to listen.

it’s wednesday and that means it’s time for me to gripe.

for the record, this one’s #218: when you order food at a fast food restaurant, do us all a favor and don’t start eating while the kid behind the counter is a) filling your order b) ringing you up or c) attempting to make change for your twenty-spot. it’s just plain dirty. wait ten seconds and then those curly fries are all yours, tiger. oh and guys a girlfriend of mine tells me that this little ritual is a sure sign of pre-ejaculation. seriously. just stop it.

this weekend was a big bowl of crazy. one of those weekends where one minute you’re a hero and the next you’re a zero.

i discussed the philosophical intricacies of “bro’s before hoe’s” with mandy. she tells me that while this is a tenant of most male belief systems, it’s converse, “chicks before dicks” doesn’t carry quite the same weight among our female counterparts. interesting.

brando, leanne and i had a mini-party in the clubhouse. we played some pool, made some food and drank some drinks. i left early to catch some sun by the pool. meanwhile back at the party, leanne fell down some stairs and smashed all of our treats–oh and sprained her ankle. leanne’s official score this week is: one impacted wisdom tooth, one tooth with a broken crown and a sprained ankle. personally, i think she’s just looking to score some pain killers.

just say no.
this f-bomb free message was brought to you by your friends at jeffcarter.net

stonebraker: sarah just said fuck

jeffcarter.net: really? why? did you insult ‘friends‘?

stonebraker: no her gumball was good

jeffcarter.net: damn that must have been a good-fuck-gumball

stonebraker: seems so

so last night i celebrated with the kids who had finished boards and who are now officially too cool for school. we went to this tacky hole-in-the-wall and there were these two really weird people playing pool and after about an hour or so they must have gotten board with pool, because they took their pool cues and started this whole fencing routine and they were very, very serious about their sport. the girls didnt notice though because their hands were full of hot nuts.

good times were had by all.

last night, leanne, brandon and i went to see the fantastic four. it wasnt bad, but i couldnt get used to the guy from nip/tuck as the villian. jessica alba was a-w-e-s-o-m-e as the invisible girl and on that fact alone i can highly recommend the film–at least to the guys in the crowd. at the same time stonebraker was watching episode 3 in the pacific northwest, he assures me that it kicks ass and so i’m hoping to catch it when i head up to seattle later this summer. meanwhile on the other side of the country, mandy and crew were watching batman but she was less than impressed. honestly kids, with in-depth reviews like these you have no reason to visit any other site. yahoo movies doesnt have shit on jeffcarter.net

so tomorrow my buddies from the dent school are taking national boards and that is really surreal. they’re like 50% doctors now and that is wild. i’m anticipating a end-of-boards party sometime this week and those are always a good time. with that, another glorious weekend comes to an end.

this past wednesday at the G8 Summit, our president finally went on record to admit that global warming was “real” and that “… an increase in greenhouse gases is contributing to the problem.”

awesome. i think george was the last sane person on the planet who wasn’t convinced that global warming was both a)real and b)problematic. isn’t it fun that our president is the laughing stock of the free world?