when you use a semicolon properly in a sentence don’t you feel like the smartest fucker on the planet?

so today i’m going to go see dave matthews band play in carson. i didnt get my ticket until yesterday, but managed to get like 15th row seats which kicks ass. oh and it’s like 76 degrees and clear here and that’s why everyone in loma linda hates me.

on thursday i’m leaving for seattle where i’m going to spend a week with my buddy stonebraker. the timing couldnt be more perfect as i really need a break from socal life. all the concerts and seventy-degree days are getting to me.

so last night mandy and i watched ‘sideways’ because i’m a loser and never bothered to go see it when it came out like 5 years ago.

we decided not to drink wine while we were watching the flick because that’s what all the hipster kids are doing and mandy hates doing what everyone else does and frankly i’m just too fuck cool for school. so instead we drank coke out of cans and i hummed a song i heard on the radio while mandy looked on.

then we went out to the hot tub and all these pretentious rich people were there eating dinner and drinking wine and when we walked through the gate they gave us dirty looks like we were low class trash who were crashing their party.

and i was all, “hey, you’re like 200 hundred years old and you’re still renting apartments in newport beach with all the college kids so who’s really the loser?” ha!

and even their four-year-old little boy knew how much his family sucked, so he came over and hung out with us. we talked to him about all kinds of deep shit and everytime he raised his finger to make a point, he used his middle-bird-finger and i thought that was the funniest-fuck-thing i had ever seen and so now i like kids again.

Ten minutes of bliss covering everything from life & death to music & politics.

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all three minutes of podcasting bliss can now be yours via mainstream corporate resources…

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the past couple of days, i’ve been dealing with campus security quite a bit. whether it’s paying some rather deliquent parking tickets or getting the coveted 2005-2006 parking permit, the security office and i are on familiar terms. throughout the course of our often times one sided conversations i’ve noticed that people in law enforcement just speak differently that anyone else in any other profession.

“no” become “negative”…”affirmative” means “yes”…and “i’m sorry sir” means “forget it asshole you’re not getting out of that parking ticket from 2004″.

i’m always flirting around with a fine line…

this weekend, i was watching “real time with bill maher” live on hbo–none of that tivo bullshit. now, i’m by no means a kool-aid drinking disciple of maher or moore or any of the other personalities that the media paints as radical leftists. however when it comes to current events, bill and i agree more often than not and on the topic of god’s place in government and society, the guy’s my hero.

as i sat listening to the show’s segment on creationism vs. evolution vs. intelligent design, it felt great to hear someone discussing the topic without being shrouded in politcally correct nonesense. it felt vindicating to hear someone call creationists on their bullshit and to watch someone look straight into the camera and remind us that there is nothing “intelligent” about intelligent design.

i was feeling pretty damn good about myself and was revelling in my 60 minutes of admonition until the person i was sitting next to turned to me and said, “…listening to this guy frustrates me as much as listening to rush limbaugh…”

i was shocked and now am left with the question: is bill maher no better than rush limbaugh? or on a more personal note, am i no better than the bible-thumping-right-wing crazies that i look down on?

are we each other’s own mirror image?

the more and more i go over this in my head, i wonder how close i am to the fine line between taking a stand for what’s right or becoming no better than my counter-parts in the mirror. shouldnt i be able to take the moral high ground because i believe in science and reason and logic? shouldnt it be ok to poke a little fun at the creationist crowd for blindly believing in a fairy tale? shouldnt i be able to enjoy criticism of a group of people who far too often are loyal to a person and not to a principle?

the answers used to seem so clear to me, but these days i’m just trying to keep my balance while walking that fine line.

i was watching “tommy lee goes to college” yesterday because when it’s the middle of august and you’re suffering through a summer cold, you do things you wouldnt otherwise do. (this includes watching 3 painful hours of vh1 programming.)

i thought watching tommy lee zone out through a chemistry lecture was pretty damn funny, but mandy didnt share my sentiments. she thought that the whole show was a giant waste of time and that tommy lee was an overgrown kid who needed to start acting his age. i totally agreed, yet i contend that this is pricisely what makes this half-hour train wreck so entertaining.

but then again, in her spare time mandy does things like reading, spending time with real people and all other kinds of nonsense–and i think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.

A three minute roundup of my weekend, my struggle with the common cold and the world’s most comprehensive review of "The 40 Year-Old Virgin".

these days my friends and i seem bent on empyting our checking accounts (or smashing our credit limits) by buying concert tickets like crazy. for example, last night leanne got 15th row tickets to the dave matthews show in socal from some dope on eBay. not to be outdone, i ordered up four tickets to inland invasion because weezer and oasis are playing this year’s show and i’m becoming an old bastard desperately in search of his youth. and really what better way to recapture that spirit than by listening to aging hipster bands?

on the 27th we’ve got tickets to see the foo figters (an overdue first) and weezer (for the 3rd time). then of course, there’s this little festival in las vegas over halloween weekend.

so to celebrate all the musical goodness, mandy and i have vowed to eat hot fudge sundaes all day long. want one?

with my birthday safely behind me, i’m committing this year to trying new things, living new adventures and giving the status quo a big fuck you.

here’s a perfect example of what i mean:

so last night mandy and i were watching “what dreams may come” because i need to quit being such an analytical ass and start considering that maybe there’s a reality that my shiny science books cant explain. we make it through the movie and mandy and i decide that all this thought of the afterlife has left us rather hungry, so i offered to get her some delicious–yet malnutritious–fast food.

so here’s where the new and exciting experiences b.s. comes into play.

with a hint of guilt and a playful smirk, mandy tells me that she’s got a hunger for a nice bigmac and i’m all, “dude, i’ve never ordered a bigmac in my life!” and before i could tranform into animal-rights-activist-asshole, i realized that i’m a twenty-eight year old american male who has never ordered a bigmac from mac-fucking-donalds.

so, i drove down pch and proudly told the glowing drive-thru sign that i wanted a bigmac combo and as i picked up my very first bigmac for the smiley girl waiting for me back in my newport beach apartment i realized that this is going to be a good fuck year.

so wednesday was my birthday and it was awesome. everyone went above and beyond to make this one memorable. thank you again to each of you who made the day memorable in your own special way.

tonight caps off the week’s celebration. we’re heading down to the westin in downtown la and if you’re reading this and wondering where the action is tonight, look no further than here. what more could you ask for on an idle saturday night?

more details on the week’s craziness after things slow down this weekend.

does anybody know if ants consider ice a tasty treat?

because i woke up yesterday morning and opened up my freezer to find like 200 dead, frozen ants. what’s crazy is that my freezer was completely empty except for the ice. now i’m no scientist, but what the hell would ants want with my freezer?

to add insult to injury, by lunch time the little bastards had gotten into my half-eaten oatmeal raisin powerbar. apparently ants–like humans–cant digest whatever crap these bars are made out of and soon they had all died and i was all, “…that’s what you little fucks get for being greedy little gluttons…see ya in hell!”

oh yeah, tomorrow’s my birthday.

on friday night, travis was talking about getting the band together to practice some new songs that he’s been working on. since our last show, he’s bought a new telecaster and been working out songs that would work for our little group. he explained that before we could have a formal practice, he first had to have everything worked out for the vocals and lead guitar. it reminded me that travis really does get stuck with all the work.

sure the rest of us learn our parts, contribute little tweaks here and there–and of course add to the overall sexiness of the group–but the reality is that “the whistling idiots” are really “the travis nelson band”.

Even better is that if you asked any of us, you’d find that we’re damn proud to be up their helping to showcase this guy’s talent and enjoying our share of the spotlight.

never lacking for a good story, travis let us all in on the next big fashion craze. i’m still not sold on the idea, but travis and tim think that these shirts would go perfect with scrubs and would be perfectly suited for the clinic.

this weekend i saw “wedding crashers” and while it’s no “old school” it was pretty damn funny.

favorite line: “…the painting was a gift todd, and i’m keeping it.”

speaking of gifts: (god i’m a master of the segway)

leanne, brandon and i went and ate dinner at the daily grill before our flick and discussed plans for my-big-birthday-bash that’s going on this weekend. my sister is the greatest and is throwing me a party at the Westin Bonadventure in downtown LA. she’s got a couple of rooms booked (complete with Heavenly Beds) so party kids can crash at will once we’re done trashing the BonaVista lounge.

i sincerely hope the paparazzi leaves us alone and allows us to enjoy our evening without too much hassle. speaking of paparazzi, i seriously need to get on the phone and start inviting kids or it may just end up being me and beth looking at each other all night and going “woot”.

woot.

Just a little sample post to test out the audioblog.com service…oh and yeah my microphone sucks.

last night i went over to travis and lizzy’s house and we agreed that anytime you have the opportunity to drink anything that is cheaper than water you’re making a wise choice. as we watched ben harper: live from the hollywood bowl on dvd, i kept going on and on about how i was at that show with stonebraker and crew back in da’ day. i was spouting off like some kind of hollywood-bowl-concert-afficienado and just when i was out of stories, tim and brian came over and i got to re-tell each story with increasing levels of detail and clarity and there wasnt anything anyone could do about it.

tim decided he’d had enough of me being the center of attention so he told us about how he went on this mountain bike ride earlier and how they killed some rattlesnake with a metal post or something. the story was complete with details of decapitation, snake taunting and passive-agressive male-bonding. pfft…did they make a fuck dvd of your rattlesnake killing? no? well, they sure as hell made one of the concert i went to. game. set. match.

after everyone had told their best snake/concert stories we decided to brave the non-sense that has become downtown redlands. either i’m getting old or they’re letting high school kids in everywhere these days. (i fear the former.) lizzy and i sat at a beat up table and tore apart a bunch of these soaked, dilapidated, drink coasters and threw them into a big pile on the table while everyone got caught up on life and love.

we left the after-school hangout that has become redlands and walked over to see if we could get into see lizzy’s art exhibit. so we’re walking over there at two in the morning fully expecting to be able to walk right into the front door of the gallery and wax poetic about liz’s artwork. when we got the front door and found that they had been closed for like five hours we were shocked! luckily, we were with timmy and he told us that he had a key to the building but that he had left it at home. apparently all the snake-killing had made him a bit forgetful. so instead we walked out into the middle of the street and spotted a corner of one painting and started jumping around, desperate to see the corners of two paitings at one time. timmy started climbing up the side of this parking structure while travis explained the geometry required to view portions of both paintings at once. meanwhile, brian shook his head and wondered why he’d invested his friday night into our little group…

…but maybe you had to be there.

today i was in the store buying those little twist-tie-things you use to close garbage bags and i actually heard a mom tell her son to stop fucking around with something because quote “you’re gonna put your eye out”. awesome. no sign of ralphie or randy though…

meanwhile my sister is planning the world’s greatest jeffcarter.net birthday party and you know you’re invited.

so i talked to lizzy tonight and she’s pretty much the most talented artist in all the land. stating this fact reminds me that i have done a terrible job of pimping out her website. check it out here. word is that her web designer is a sexy bitch.

tonight liz tempted tim with those crazy peanut butter treats of hers but i was all, “yo, peanut butter kills!” so she offered me crazy conversation instead. i think i got the better end of the deal.