i think that those kid’s shoes with the skate wheel built into the heel should be banned. i swear to christ those things freak me the hell out.

so you’re walking along in your neighborhood costco minding your own business and out of the corner of your eye you see a snot-nosed kid walking towards you and then all of a sudden the little fucker starts gliding like some kind of demon or something.

shit man, it freaks me out everytime. i’ll tell you one thing, our lord jesus christ never intended for kids to be gliding around like they’re all hopped up on black magic.

isn’t that what’s really important?

if you ask me wil ferrell and george bush are the two funniest people on the planet. when ferrell does his bush impersonation it makes for all kinds of funny.

click here for the video

i think the barnes and noble cafe is getting to me.

some grouchy old lady just complained to my precious barista that there were no tables left for her to eat her sandwhich because evil medical students had monopolized the entire cafe.

upon hearing this, i spoke up and invited old-mean-fat-lady to sit at my table and enjoy her animal-death-fuck-sandwhich while i sip espresso and study immunology.

apparently even old disgusting women are impervious to my advances because old-mean-fat-lady responded by asking to see the manager.

not exactly the resounding yes i was hoping for.

given the chance, i would ask her what’s a normal bookstore occurrence, students reading and sipping coffee or old ladies cramming McBeef sandwiches down their throats?

the girls at starbucks are nice and let me sit at their prime table all evening long studying and ordering nothing but solo espresso’s. all i have to offer them in return is a modest contribution to their tip jar and a smile.

the solo espresso is the greatest drink on the starbucks menu. aside from intravenous injection, it is the quickest way of delivering much needed caffeine to your system. all this can be had for a buck-fiddy.

when i placed my order, the barista called me sweetheart, not in the romantic or sexual way but in the “you’re an innocent little boy way“. this reminded me of my mama and tonight a random barista in a random town reminds me of home.

apologies for the mid-evening starbucks-flavored-ramblings.

i’m spending my lunch break at starbucks studying a bunch of crazy non-sense and am admittedly doing more people watching than studying. the barista behind the counter just told his supervisor this story about meeting up with his long-lost friend in an online game of some sort.

as he relayed the story he proclaimed, “karen, it was awesome to see him online, because he’s a wizard now and you know he’s the one who taught me how to be a warrior.”

i can only assume that he was talking about his online persona, but anytime you get to hear the phrase “taught me how to be a warrior” in an everyday conversation, you know you’re gonna have a good day.

so what do you do when you’re the only seahawks fan in all of socal? simple, you simply chat with your buddy in seattle during the game.

what results can only be described as a glorious display of nerd splendor consisting primarily of four letter words.

4:05 PM: Seattle Seahawks vs. NY Giants

Jeff Stonebraker: dude, you watching the game?

Jeff Carter: hell YES!

Jeff Stonebraker: nice

Jeff Carter: fucking giants

Jeff Stonebraker: dammmmmmmmmmm
Jeff Stonebraker: fuck shit
Jeff Stonebraker: another false start
Jeff Stonebraker: hah

Jeff Carter: how loud is qwest field?

Jeff Stonebraker: very loud
Continue reading →

so my buddy josh is a photographer who owns like a bajillion dollars worth of digital photography equipment. he takes crazy pictures and wins awards for his work and when necessary he can get crazy in photoshop.

this weekend, he used his skills to tweak some of the photos from our band’s last show.

the full photoset is here. it’s called the addicted: a spot of color because we’re artistic snobs.

oh and while i’m talking about flickr, did you know you can now order prints of photos you view in flickr and pick them up at target? i shit you not. prints are about twenty cents which is reasonable and the quality has been really good. i’ve set permissions to allow users with friend or family access to order prints of my photos.

this should make you smile because i know how desperately you’ve been wanting poster size prints of this and this.

so i watched “a love song for bobby long” because anytime raymi tells you that something is worth watching, you would be well-advised to add it to your netflix queue. it was an awesome movie and now i want to read the book, and when i finish reading the book i’ll tell everyone how the movie so didnt do the book justice.

this is why people get tired of talking to me.

a while back, i carved out a little spot on the internet for my sister so she could try out this whole blogging non-sense. she returned the favor by being much better at it than i. you really should quit reading my site now and visit leannecarter.com

i fear this is nothing more than her retailiation for all those times i pulled her hair when we were kids.

ok whatever i get it, leanne, now knock that shit off.

the other night i couldnt sleep so i watched charlie and the chocolate factory on dvd.

dude, it weirded me the hell out. what was the fuck point of that movie? if michael jackson owning a chocolate factory wasn’t weird enough what the hell was the deal with the cloned little midgets running all around the place trying to kill everyone?

despite the “hey don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts!” line i was disappointed not to mention a little disturbed. whatever.

so our show on friday night was awesome. everything went off really well and the band was in top form. we rattled through eight songs and closed things out with our own version of mr.brightside. this got the kids screaming and the love was felt.

amongst other highlights, we also decided on a suitable name for the band. as of friday night, we are “the addicted“. fitting for our little group, don’t you think?

in attendance, there appeared to be about a hundred digital cameras and no less than 3 video cameras. needless to say there’s a lot of footage to go through. drummer bobby is downloading the raw footage tonight, so i hope to have it running through final cut tomorrow night. no promises, but hopefully there will be a download available in time for your after-thanksgiving-festivities.

my favorite part of the night was when drummer bobby jumped up from behind the drums at the end of our last song and exclaimed, “hell yeah, that’s how we do it! that was the shit!”

indeed, drummer bobby, we are the shit.

oh and p.s. the cops came out towards the end of our set because they had gotten like three complaints from the stuffy neighbors that we were rocking too damn hard.

last but not least if you’re one of my flickr contacts, then you’ll have access to the photoset from friday night. it has uniquely been called “the addicted”

if you’re not on flickr sign-up and if your not one of my contacts, then email me because i’m a like a photo genie.

as promised our band is playing this friday night at what has affectionately been dubbed the “big fuck thanksgiving show”. (ok so i’m the only one who has actually has been calling it that, but the other night rafa referred to it by name because that shit’s catching on.)

as of last night, our setlist is intact and finalized. i’m happy to report that attendees should expect no less than 8 songs in a blazing 50 minute set that includes a solo acoustic performance, a surprise duet and a band introduction that kicks all the collective ass.

tonight we’re going to be setting up our on-loan-pro-speaker-setup, working out all the finishing touches on the pyrotechnics* as well as making sure the midgets* have all their parts memorized.

if you’re in the area and are interested, then drop me an email at jeff at jeffcarter dot net.

* the whistling idiots make no promise that the aforementioned pyrotechnics or midgets will actually be a part of the show. (but there will be free food)

tonight was such a calming night. julia could feel the autumn breeze blowing sweetly across her face as she looked out onto the city from her humble second story apartment.

it was just as they promised her it would be. they told her that he would take away the pain and that he would make it natural for her to forget.

they were right.

things were so much better with him. she could hear her phone ring and anticipate the voice at the other end, she knew exactly how her weekend would transpire and for once in a very long time she would not cry herself to sleep. these were all such welcome additions to her once lonely life.

for the first time in as many months, julia was at peace. and when the day ended she could almost fall asleep believing that he was the one who would take his place.

and she smiled as she drifted off to sleep and though the morning was just a heartbeat away, it was of no concern to her.

the marketing geniuses over at fox have decided to cancel arrested development. because, you know, when you have a show that has won five emmys the best thing to do is to juggle it around to a shit time slot and then cancel it mid-season.

yeah. that works.

david cross provides this little rant for all of us mourning the loss of one of television’s best shows.

enjoy the quicktime goodness*

*if you’re offended by the f-word then you shouldn’t watch this little clip and you should also relax and not let things like the f-word upset you.

Stonebraker: dude, I have a huge dilema

Jeff Carter: what?

Jeff Stonebraker: well every year I buy a new Seahawks shirt for the season…and designate it as my lucky shirt…and don’t wash it during the entire season…so I’m careful not to get it dirty…

Jeff Carter: yeah good plan

Stonebraker: well tonight I smoked in it and now it stinks, should I do the dryer trick to try and get the smell out? Or just wash it cuz I’m being stupid

Jeff Carter: dude…if i was there i would slap you

Stonebraker: why

Jeff Carter: we’re in the middle of a 7-2 season and you want to wash the lucky 2005 season shirt?

Stonebraker: you’re right

Jeff Carter: the not washing is what instils the aforementioned luck

Jeff Carter: don’t ever ask that again

Stonebraker: ok

Stonebraker: I’ll just hang it up to air it out

Jeff Carter: yeah you can hang it up or outside or whatever any naturally occuring odor removal is fine…even rain…oh and wind is cool too

Stonebraker: ah which we have a lot of here in seattle

Jeff Carter: just get yourself a clothesline but i think the fact that it stinks and is gross makes it even more lucky

Stonebraker: good point

Jeff Carter: go seahawks

Stonebraker: go seahawks

so i hadn’t been to the movies in over three months.

combine a ridiculously busy school schedule with a less than passing interest in the crap that hollywood has been shoving down our throats and i’m sure you can understand my absence from all things cinema.

but no more my little snowflakes!

on friday i saw shopgirl with mandy and it was awesome. so, if you’ve ever been in love with someone and just couldnt bring yourself to commit or if you’ve ever been in love with someone who just couldn’t love you back, then shopgirl is perfect for you.

i think i loved the movie because i’ve been both of the main characters and that made shopgirl worth my nine bucks.

today i worked a 13 hour day at school.

working long hours isnt unusual but today i was on my feet the entire time and up to my elbows in blood and various internal organs including–but not limited to–the large intestine.

this makes me feel like i should spend the better part of the evening in the shower burning the germs off. speaking of germs, as my reward for working like a slave-bitch i managed to drop my ipod’s little-white-sterile-headphones on the ground behind the couch in the student lounge.

friends, this could very well be the dirtiest place on campus.

horray me. anyone want a pair of ipod headphones? god knows these will never see my immaculate ears again.

because i’m a tired and lazy bitch, here’s a day full of links to other blogs that are better than mine:

- leanne explains shit to her boyfriend

- raymi’s quoting douglas coupland

- patrick has strong words for the theocrats out there

this weekend was little hannah’s birthday and so we all went out to palm springs to help her celebrate. we stayed in these bungalow at a swanky resort out in the middle of the desert. when we awoke the next morning, we noticed that our desert bungalow was surrounded by roadrunners.

it was like some kind of roadrunner-fuck-invasion.

as we were watching the avian-invasion, daniel told us that he thought that roadrunners were nothing more than chickens who had gotten themselves into really good shape. you see, roadrunners–like chickens–dont fly or anything, they just run around pecking at the ground. i thought this was hilarious and i agreed that perhaps road-runners were just very svelte chickens.

this was my favorite conversation of the weekend because i got to use the word svelte in a sentence.

if i could recommend one word for an idle monday night, svelte would be it.

use it in good health.

last night, stonebraker and sarah went to the paul mccartney concert. if stonebraker had written about it on his blog, i would link to it. in fact if stonebraker even had a blog, i’d link to that too.

instead this text message chat will have to tide you over. the moral of this post is that stonebraker needs a blog.

jeff carter: so how are the seats?

stonebraker: dude we are so close to the stage!

jeff carter: really so 14th row is pretty fuck close?

stonebraker: dude i’ve peed further!

jeff carter: goddamn i’m so jealous

stonebraker: you should be

al franken’s new book is out. someone buy it for me.

yes, i’m a needy bitch.

so stonebraker got tickets to see paul mccartney in concert tonight in seattle. he’s sitting in the like the 14th-fuck-row. as you can imagine, i’m pretty goddamn jealous.

however, my jealously could be abated if i get a concert tshirt out of it.

(i’m a size large)