i thought i would start everyone’s weekend off to a kick-ass start by updating you on my previoiusly reported lamp-smashing problem.

over the past couple of weeks, i’m proud to report that i havent cracked my head on this damn thing once! it’s true i’m actually learning from repeated painful stimuli–just like lab animals! the problem i now face is that whenever i stand up from any chair i do this weird stoop-hover-duck thing like i’m about to smash my head into some invisible object that only i can see.

this draws attention in almost any situation and if there’s one thing i love it’s attention.

oh and using italics, i loves me some italics.

When i opened the new york times this morning and saw a full-page ad with the headline, “Our commitment to Jesus Christ compels us to solve the global warming crisis” my first reaction was that perhaps the christian-right had finally gotten behind an issue that i can agree with.

how great would that be? it seems that for the first time in quite a few years, i can agree with the two dozen or so evangelical leaders who signed their names in support of “the evangelical climate initiative“.

that was until i got to about the third paragraph. [clears throat for emphasis]

“therefore, with the same love of god and neighbor that compels us to preach salvation through jesus christ, protect unborn life, preserve the family and the sanctity of marriage…we the undersigned evangelical leaders resolve to come together…to stop global warming.”

oh son of a bitch! you guys had me at hello! i was totally buying your genuine concern for the environment! why did you have to go shooting your mouth off about abortion and gay marriage? what does that have to do with your initiatives to stop global warming?

so now i’m back to where i started this morning, pissed off at the religious-right and wondering what is it about boys kissing that worries these people so much?

so now that i’m settled into my new place, i’ve turned my attention to decorating my apartment with jeff-carter-style-flare. if you’ve never had the priviledge of experiencing jeff-carter-flare then you have really been missing out.

faced with a rather empty apartment, i did what every other college kid renting an apartment does–i went to ikea.

so i’m browsing around through the lack’s and the grundton’s and the kord’s and came upon this little gem.

can anyone tell me what the hell this thing is supposed to be? more importantly, what is one supposed to do with it?

the good news is that it’s only $4.99 and i feel i must possess the rono and its power.

wow.

could the super bowl have gone any differently than i predicted? i’m going to stick to medicine and leave predicting football games to the pro’s.

in the meantime, the nfl got what they wanted, another championship in a major market. big time congrats to the league and the officials.

let the sulking commence.

if you spend anytime at this little blog, then you know that i’m a seattle seahawks fan. for my canadian friends, today is our most holiest of days here in the u.s.

forget about christmas or easter or any of that bullshit…today is the super bowl and it’s of even greater sanctity when your team takes the field.

with that in mind, here are my official super bowl xl predictions:

• neither runningback makes a huge difference for either team and two-weeks of defensive prep minimizes the running game until late in the 4th. alexander has more yards total than bettis in a disappointing day for an emotionally overwhelmed bettis.
• roethlisberger stays poised but makes one or two costly mistakes and pays the price of inexperience. Ben throws for 3 TD’s but also floats up 2 interceptions costing his team the comeback they need.
• defense is going to be huge and each team’s respective pacific islander will make an impact.
• matt hasselbeck shows what years under brett favre and mike holmgren’s mentorship can do for a young quarterback and proceeds to have the game of his life! he throws for 300+ yards w/ 3 TD and no interceptions. he is the difference in the game and is named MVP.

Final Score:

Seattle: 30 Pittsburgh: 24

Take the -4 points Vegas is giving Seattle and bet on green!

If of course I’m completely wrong and Pittsburgh wins in a route, then fuck you, what the hell do i know about football? I’m getting my phd in neuroscience not football! get off my back!

Go Hawks!

I had almost forgotten about this crazy psycho bitch. i swear this chick taught at my commune-style-christian-school when i was a kid.

thank you jesus for google video…i’m a prayer warrior…amen!

Technorati Tags: crazy bitch, video

Mandy: speaking of freaks…. did u read about tommy lee feeling up some transexual?

Jeff Carter: wtf?

Mandy: yeah at some bar in toronto after a show.

Jeff Carter: that’s hardcore

Mandy: ha ha yeah it’s another downside to getting drunk

Jeff Carter: yeah no kidding…hitting on a dude is not a good time

Mandy: yeah, dude looked like a lady

Mandy: i think that’s my favoritist song of all time

Jeff Carter: oh do tell me ur kidding

Mandy: what!? that song is so much fun. and i so love steven tyler. he’s just sexy.

Jeff Carter: oh god this is going from bad to worse

Mandy: have u seen that guy’s mouth? tell me that’s not hot!

Jeff Carter: that’s not hot

he had listened to the same old love song countless times.

but tonight, for the very first time, he heard it from her point of view.

for the first time he felt it the way she did and he understood.

in the silence he sat and hummed along as memories soared.

being a big-time-internet-celebrity has never been easy.

after a while though, one gets used to the constant invasion of privacy that comes with having a high-profile blog. by far, the worst part is the paparazzi.

these bastards just will not leave me alone! it seems that every time i round a corner one of them pops out from the bushes and snaps a picture of me.

so i’m sitting around last night autographing head shots for my fan club members, when my agent calls and tells me that one of those photos has made it onto a competing blog.

rather than shy away from a rather embarrassing moment, i’m just going to embrace it and trust my fans to get me through it.

after all, who among us hasn’t chopped wood topless?

enjoy all the steamy goodness here.

so for the past couple of weeks, i’ve been working on my abstract submission for the annual PNIRS (psychoneuroimmunology research society) conference. the conference is in june and they’re flying me all the way to miami to talk about how cancer sucks and how you should try and not get it, but if you do get it then you should talk to me because i’m close to curing that shit.

well, not really.

if you’re not content with short-version summary of my abstract then you can download all the sweetness here.

you know you want to.

so last night before the state of the union address, cindy sheehan–who was an invited guest–was arrested for wearing a t-shirt in the house gallery that said, “2,245 Dead — How Many More?” so i understand that when delivering the state of the union before a joint session of congress that you can’t have people in the gallery protesting.

i’m just saying that if i’m cindy sheehan, i keep my jacket on until the president gets about two lines into his speech, then i peel it off and let all the world focus in on my message. apparently, another woman was removed from the gallery for wearing a t-shirt that had a message about supporting our troops. it would appear that the policy of “no protesting statments” was upheld.

but if cindy sheehan hadn’t been arrested mere moments earlier, do you really think congressman young’s wife would have been removed from the house gallery?

yeah. me neither.

you can read a more grammatically correct version of the story here.

UPDATE: Sheehan blogs about the whole incident here.