one lonely success

so the guy next to me…yeah that one…is trying to recline his seat but instead he keeps reaching over and pushing my seat’s recline button.

with this is in mind, i now fear that the woman behind me is going to be writing on her blog about the twenty-something-kid with messy hair who kept leaning his chair back while she was trying to relax and i would be more upset by this but in all fairness i would deserve it.

with this in mind, i’m penning this open letter to her:

dear woman sitting behind me on alaska flight 347,

i was not trying to crush you with my gerth by reclining into your space. instead, i was the victim of an asian man who in no way knew how to operate his seat reclining mechanism and obliviously kept reclining my seat into your aforementioned space.

i wish you continued success with your blog.

sincerely,
twenty-something-kid-with-messy-hair

p.s. my blog is also awesome and i hope that you will read it someday.

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so i’m on my bumpy flight from seattle back home to socal and there are these two mid-old-age people in front of me. by the looks of the backs of their heads i would estimate that the greasy-haired-blonde woman is in her late forties and the curly-grey-haired guy is in his early fifties. also, there is a fifty-something-asian man looking over my shoulder as i type this line.

“hey bro, this line is just for you! yep you. i totally know you’re reading this as i type.”

anyway, the two strangers in front of me have not shut up since we boarded the flight over an hour ago.

so that you too may share in my joy, i’m going to keep a running list of the non-sense that two perfect strangers have to talk about at 8pm on a flight from seattle to la.

• greasy-haired-woman took like 7 or 8 rolls of film on her trip to seattle. i KNOW 7 or 8 rolls! i couldnt believe when i heard it either. but don’t worry she bought the film at costco so it didnt cost her that much. oh boy. now old-curly-haired-guy is trying to sell her on digital photography and how fancy he can edit them on his gateway computer.
• old-curly-haired guy has season tickets to the anaheim ducks and he’s very proud of this fact. perhaps in old-people-land this helps one get laid. i cannot comment, for i am neither old nor a ducks season ticket holder.
• greasy-haired-woman went on a weekend trip to chicago in 1999. perhaps if you’re still telling stories about your wild weekend away from home, you should make sure they occurred in this century. if they did not, you’re probably just boring all the people around you.
• old-curly-haired-guy went on a camping trip with his buddies and they drank beer. wow! beer? really? did your mom or dad ever find out? oh my gawd i bet you would have gotten so grounded if they ever knew!

my friends, pay close attention: i’ve heard what it’s like to become old and single and desperate for someone to listen to your non-sense….it’s not a pretty scene.

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if you thought i’d given up on the whole blogging thing, you were just about right.

but then i went to seattle and now i’m awake and breathing and feeling and seeing and thinking and writing and unashamed and upright and depressed and mortified and cautious and timid and jealous and resolute and honest and humble and humming and sleeping and awake and awake and awake but most importantly….blogging.

thanks for your patience.

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if you’re all jazzed about the new killers album then you should try not to be such a hipster-kid. instead, you should be more of an indie-kid and pickup ben kweller’s new cd and when you’re friends ask you if you’ve got the new killers album you can scream back through your little white headphones, “sorry i cant hear you i’m too busy rocking the bk.”

go forth and consume.

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