one lonely success

do you remember the fall?

disharmonious amplifiers hummed and we barely talked.

one show too many led you to retreat.

i called you and bragged about our setlist. your songs were spread ambiguously throughout.

that night i screamed and shouted.

could you hear?

meditation, it rarely works when your addiction is real.

the kid sitting next to me has never lived a day in his life.

…but yet you made it seem ok.

promise this is the last of the seattle in-flight posts….really.

the ambiguously-gay-flight-attendant is working his way down the aisle and there are so many old people on board that he’s having to scream at them as he takes their order. the 200-year-old woman a few rows up failed to hear his numerous inquiries so he made the “do you want a glass of water hand gesture” but it turned out to be the “lets go grab a beer” hand signal.

you know the one that’s the same as ‘hang-loose’?

anyway the point of this story is that anytime you get to see a gay flight attendant give a 200-year-old woman the “let’s kick back a few” sign you’ve gotten your money’s worth right there.

bam! done and done.

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ok if you aren’t tired of in flight blog posts by now, you soon will be.

i swear i dont usually complain this much but…

someone is playing this handheld video game version of “the family feud” and so every 60seconds or so there is the “ERRRRGGGHHH” noise that they play when you answer the “survey-says” question incorrectly.

each time i hear it i think that its some sort of “oh fuck us al qaeda is about to blow up the plane” warning signal.

i know what you’re thinking and i dont know how you could make a handle-held version of the family feud either but they did and its pretty goddamn annoying.

“ERRRRRGGGGGHHHH”

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after carving what could only be considered as the greatest pumpkin of all time, i decided that because of its apple-related-theme that i could leave it proudly displayed on my porch well through thanksgiving and near to xmas.

this little experiment in holiday nonsense only made it through this morning as my pumpkin went crashing to its death late last night. apparently, carving a huge gaping apple logo in the center of a giant pumpkin does not lend itself well to the health of a pumpkin.

all empirical evidence would indicate that the immense amount of mold growing inside the pumpkin weakened it to the point of collapse.

long live mac-o-lantern.

P.S. how bout that clever title, huh? see what i did there….smashing pumpkins…ha!

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so the asian guy sitting two seats over just awoke from his 8pm in-flight-nap because his cellphone rang.

right. we’re you listening during that whole “turn off your shit” speech or were you blasting “gnarles barkley” too loud to care?

my god, i desperately hope that the FAA never allows cell phone use during flights. can you imagine that horror for a second?

dude, i cant stand listening to people have conversations with each other–in person–more less listen to some average joe yapping on his phone while i’m trying to cruise in peace at 30thousand feet.

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