notice the camo collar?
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Monthly Archive for January, 2007
So I havent posted in forever, because I’ve had my hands full with this little guy. His name is Buster and as he’s a playful-ankle-biting-puggle (pug dad + beagle mom). He is—quite possibly—the smartest, cutest, most awesome dog that has ever lived.
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so i’ve been car shopping at a seemingless endless pace. i think i’ve decided on the perfect auto for me–but just to be sure–i thought i would ask the internets.
yep. the internets nailed it again. how does it always know?
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You Should Drive a Bentley Azure |
 You’re all flash, and you love to show off to anyone who will watch. And you’re such a high roller, this is just one car of many for you… |
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i worked very hard to sell my integra; the time and mileage were right. i found a great buyer who is going to take very good care of her and take her out on nice long, winding roads. none of this makes me feel any better.
tonight i handed over her keys, and i already miss her. this photo montage is in her honor.
she was bad ass, awesome, svelte and sexy all at the same time.
i’ll miss you.
P.S. If you’re reading this post in bloglines or via RSS, you’re getting dicked! There’s a lot of eye-candy you’re missing so visit the site! damn hippies w/ your rss…
i deplore myspace.
but at the same time, when 200million people hop on the internet, you dont want to be left out and if you cant beat ‘em…
my favorite part of the myspace thing is the profile picture; everyone gets to upload all kinds of fun pics but can only chose ONE to represent themselves. your profile picture must be fun, representative, engaging and most of all SEXY.
with this in mind, i thought i would post all of the pictures that i’ve used as my “primary” profile pic. this will give you, my dear reader, an idea of what i find—or have found—awesome about ME.
maybe this post would be a good candidate for one of those blog poll things that you all love?
at about this time, some of you may be thinking that i only care what other people think, but what you should be asking yourselves is why you dont have a blog that is loved the world over….and…you should also be thinking about your taste in clothes…seriously, we’re all talking about it behind your back.
long haired thanksgiving dinner jeff…sexy
driving to the snow…in sepia!
quiet, introspective self-portrait…intriguing!
johnny knoxville inspired aviators…in RED!
emo mac-inspired emotion…
it’s my blog and if i want to post five pictures of me i can.
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[youtube]qfYspe3yHvM[/youtube]
it’s friday so celebrate w/ demetri.
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Stonebraker: I’m moving to Canada
Jeff: you should
Stonebraker: I wish that was true
Stonebraker: just wanted to say it and see how it sounded.
Jeff: you should because it would make you awesome and then bush wouldnt be your president and you could hangout at ski resorts all day.
Jeff: did it feel good to say it?
Stonebraker: yes
Jeff: because it sounded good too
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today as i going through my junk mail folder i noticed that the subject line of one of the junk messages was:
Small pen is?
i was all…borat?
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so today i had biostats class. i hate class. i’m 28 29 years old. i’m a few months away from my PhD. i’ve taken every class there is to take. please quit making me take this non-sense. while i’m on this topic, how do they expect me to be able to produce publishable statistically sound data in the lab if i cant do—effing stats!
so yeah…i had biostats class and after lecture our professor told us to clear our desks for a quiz. apparently i should have known about this quiz, but i have a little problem staying for the duration of these aforementioned classes. (i’m the guy who leaves during the break.)
so he hands out the quiz and i ask him for a standard distribution table (z-value table). he tells me that he informed the class to bring both a calculator and a table and that if we didnt bring these w/ us that we had to do without.
um. ok. so a standard distrib table is one of the most basic things used in stats. so i got all pissed off and thought about just leaving and then i remembered that my old chem teacher used to make us show the stats for our data complete w/ derivations for the formulas (back in my day excel didnt do these kind of things for ya). so i sat there for like half an hour deriving the z-score formula and started making my own effing table w/ typical values.
so i finished my quiz and take it up to him complete w/ the derivation and he just stared at the quiz and then looked up at me like WTF?
word.
this is my big story from today and in retrospect, i sit and wonder why it is that i can remember stupid stuff like this and still have to stop and think about how to spell ‘chose‘ or ‘choose‘.
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so nothing happened today that would be of any interest to my dear readers. with that in mind, i’m going to tell you everything that happened–on an hour-by-hour basis:
6am: wake up. curse at my alarm clock. ask myself, “why the dirty-fuck is it so GD cold in here?” (yes, i say G.D. b/c somethings are sacred, g.d.)
6:01am: hit snooze. this continues repeatedly for an hour.
7:01am: wake up and turn on Gooday LA on ch 11 here in Socal. listen to jillian talk about the weather and her pregnancy and her vagina–as it related to her aforementioned pregnancy.
7:03am: dream that jillian callls up and asks me to come to her malibu hills mansion to help her w/ her mac (i know! how did she get my number?!?!) apparently she is having some problems accessing onelonelysuccess.com in safari…no worries, baby. in my dream, i drive up to her house and “fix” her computer problem. bow-chicky-bow-wow….wow-wow-chickity-chickity-wooooow.
8:15am: i wake up cursing b/c i am supposed to be at lab in 15 mins.
8:35am: laugh w/ the butch lesbian at starbux. she tells me the same joke every other day. this either means that i am completely unimpressionable or that she only has one g.d. joke.
9am-6pm: cure fucking cancer
2pm: talk to raymi who wants my address so that she can send me some awesome raymi-schwag b/c i am her best internet friend ever.
2:01pm: tell raymi that i dont accept gifts from silly Canadians.
2:02pm: apologize b/c i love getting things in the mail–especially from canadians.
6pm: talk to my dad who got stuck in the snow while driving the Carter-Family-Tour-Bus. He’s heading to some fancy car auction to bid hundreds of thousands of dollars on old cars….baby boomers…i swear.
8:00pm: blogging to all of you. now dont you wish that on days like this i would just shut the hell up? i thought so.
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this lady’s license plate frame says, “Celebrate with Jesus” and I cant think of anything that would be as cool as gettin’ down with jesus and that awesome beard of his.
another great line from ‘talladega nights’:
“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.”Â
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as you’ve probably read, i’m picking up the newest addition to my family this week. i’ve been trying to decide on a name for the little guy and since i’m sure my friends are getting tired of me talking about the choices over-and-over again, i thought i would turn my internet crowd.
so we’re going to put it up to a little vote. keep in mind that this vote holds no bearing on what i’m actually going to name the little guy, but this is the internet and therefore by definition is a giant waste of time.
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i love my trendy apartment, because it’s a babe magnet.
however, there is one thing that i HATE about it. at times, when the stars align, i walk into my bathroom exactly as the guy upstairs is peeing. so there i am in my bathroom, checking myself out in the mirror, and i have to listen to this guy going #1.
i swear it sounds like someone is peeing on my head.
i hate this.
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so after searching for a month, i found my future puppy. he’s a puggle (a mix between a beagle and a puggle) and he’s sure to be the coolest most awesome dog of all time. I pick him up on Thursday and until then I have only trips to PetSmart and PetCo to occupy my time.
admittedly, i have no idea how to raise a puppy but armed w/ how-to books and my crew i think this little dog is going to be bad ass!
here’s the first of many, many pictures:
How effin’ cute is that?
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since i didnt have to be at school until 9am, i took the chance to sleep in this morning. around 730am a phone started ringing in the dream i was having. trust me, natalie was not too happy to be interrupted by a phone call at this hour–and right when it was getting good.
by the time i made it to my phone, i had completely missed a call from hanre. so i checked my voicemail and heard her going on and on about snow…on the 10 freeway. i jumped out of bed and ran out to my porch–complete w/ hula dancer boxers–to find that snow was everywhere!
i got super excited, reminded myself to put on pants, and went outside to snap a few pictures. i’m sure the neighbors were wondering why i was getting so excited about a little snow, but dammit, i was born and raised in socal and snow on the ground is like one of the signs of the apocalypse or something.
i feverishly texted messaged friends and everyone was real snobby about the snow.
“oh i’m sorry, i forgot you grew up on the east coast and snow is so ‘no big deal’ to you.” so much hate in this world….so much indeed.
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by no means do i pretend to understand the plight of minorities in our country.
however….
if i were a +250lbs african-american woman, i would not wear a sweatshirt that says “phat farm”.
brand name be damned, if the cool brand has the word “fat” in it, then i’m just not wearing it.
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so earlier this week, golden-baby-jesus answered my prayer for an apple cell phone. this makes me 1 for 1 w/ the little lord. colbert talked about it last night and even though i didn’t catch it live (damn you AIM) the internets lets me do whatever the heck i want and you can watch it here.
“…Apple’s new iphone gives nerds their hardest collective wood since Princess Leia wore a bikini.” Â
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absolutely nothing interesting is happening in my life today. to celebrate this fact, i’ve committed myself to lying on the couch, watching the office and warming myself by a fire.
i saw this on the firewood packaging and couldn’t resist.
that’s what she said! BAM
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“…old men who send children off to die in vain will hear death’s constant whisper saying, ‘remember my name!’”
tonight our president faced the nation and admitted his mistakes regarding the war in iraq. unfortunately, this did little to dry the tears of more than 3000 mom’s who’s babies will never come home.
in an attempt to alleviate suffering and to win the ‘broader war on terror’ mr. bush is deploying an extra 22,000 of our nation’s finest to leave behind friends and family to die for a cause that no one can seem to define.
tonight’s song is for the international terrorist occupying the white house: may god have mercy on his soul, and more importantly, bring our men and women home safely.
this is ‘gather round the stone’ by ben harper.
shame on you mr. bush. shame on you.
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